I wanted to check-in because well it's been forever and I feel like it's time to get real clear about my hopes, wishes and dreams for 2019. Not to say I haven't been clear, however, they say that leading into week 3 of the New Year, we all start to slip. Truth be told, I have slipped, but only just a little.
The reason I say I have slipped is because of falling off the wagon, my own guilt filled, abusive, impatient, excuse wagon. I mean really, it's really no one else's wagon but our own. The wagon is where the ego resides.
Honestly, this year has been different, partially because I have purpose more so than ever before in my life, I am in love, I am confident with where my life is going and I have decided to really place an emphasis on being nicer and kinder and more in love with myself -
my W H O L E self that is. Meaning, even the dark and dusty corners I don't want to visit or have come up, and even the one that sticks out like a sore thumb (to me only that is) is how I'm feeling about my weight.
Yes it's true, since moving to the Okanagan I have gained about 12 pounds, in 2.5 years. Not bad eh? Must be all the Okanagan vino and of course the savory baked goods and french fries. How could this be? I exercise on the regular, I am healthy yet I can not seem to shake this weight.
Truth be told ~ I haven't wanted to lose it bad enough, not until this year anyways. Why would I, I have a man who loves all of my pimples, wrinkles and dimples, along with my Buddha belly that is becoming more formed by the day, I mean come on... it doesn't get any better than that. So I applaud my B for loving me unconditionally - Thank You darling.
But honestly though, I am not happy in my body, and so I have to change.
My goals for this year believe it or not do not consist of being skinnier or to look great in a bikini, however yes this would be fabulous. My goals are to be my best self, from the inside out.
This means to stop:
Having Guilt Trips
And living in Fear
Living my best life means feeling great and whole and happy and alive every step of the way. This also entails discipline, structure and habitual changes that are LONG ingrained in me since my childhood days. Some of the things I have learned in this short month thus far is this:
Waking up half an hour early to workout has been life altering. My energy levels are consistent throughout the day and it makes me feel amazing.
Reading every evening is therapy in itself and has allowed me the most incredible dreamy sleeps.
Spending less time on social media throughout my day has in fact made me brighter.
Chatting with my family and loved ones on the regular is food for my soul.
Getting out in nature more often than not is what feeds and nurtures our spirits.
Letting go of past habits and accepting that was the "old me" has been an incredible, awe inspiring breath of fresh air.
Stopping eating when full, eating with more awareness than ever before is enlightening my relationship and struggles with food.
Though I am a constant work in progress, and by no means have it all figured out, the biggest AH HA is that... it takes time.
It takes small, daily changes to create impact. It's no wonder I had been an epic fail at reaching my healthy and fit goals year over year... because I thought it was a "get skinny quick" gig where as with the least amount of effort, would reap me great results ~ WRONG.
That was just my ego, keeping me small and complacent and doubtful of what I am truly capable of.
Whether or not you relate to this message at all, thank you for taking time out of your day to read and reflect. I am so grateful you have done so, and if this message resonated with you, send me a note, I'd love to hear from you.
And remember.... we are all in this together... creating a healthy life and community, one small step at a time.